How do you measure a life? My mama's legacy of love

Jan 5

My mama, Barbara Campos, died on winter solstice (December 21), in the beautiful and light-filled home she created with her husband, Richard. She loved fiercely, and so many benefitted from being loved by her.

On the day she died, my son, Elijah, played and sang her favorite songs (Eagles, Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac) to her on her own acoustic guitar. A pastor friend of mine said that my son was “singing her home” as she transitioned. I love that phrase. After the priest administered the last rites, family & friends encircled her and we laid our hands on her, filling her with our love. That afternoon, Mama’s breathing slowed, then stopped. She joined our ancestors.

Several of us wrote letters to my mama to be cremated along with her body. We bundled the letters with the cloth measuring tape from her sewing kit, the packet a literal measure of our love for her.

Writing my letter to my mama helped me understand and articulate the impact of her love on me, how it permeates my own relationships, my mothering of my children, and all my creative pursuits. Here’s what I know, deep in my bones:

My mama taught me the power of unbounded love.

I am lucky to have been her daughter. I grew up believing in myself, with a confidence that she cultivated in me every single day. I believed I was worthy of love because she showed me that I am. I didn’t realize what a gift she’d given me; how does one recognize what just…is? Her love has encircled me every single day. My entire life is built on a bedrock of kisses, head rubs, easy affection and effusive affirmations. She was proud of me and I knew it.

Her clarity, strength and a wildly independent streak taught me how women could be in the world; how I could be. She role modeled for me how to be a woman of valor, how to live with strength, courage and wisdom.

She taught me to protect my people and to act with integrity. She taught me how to become who I needed to be in my own relationships, in my work, in raising my children.

She showed me that dancing generates joy. I dance frequently in her honor.

She knew that music both energizes and soothes the soul and she made sure to fill her home with music and dancing. I vow to do the same, as part of her joyful legacy.

We share an intensity some might say is “too much” but she taught me early on that people were either going to love me or hate me, that there simply isn’t a middle ground with women like us so I might as well be me, with full force.

She laughed loud and often. I learned from her to make space for those explosions of happiness and hilarity, to never hide or dim the power of joy.

She taught me that fierce love is the source of all strength and connection.

She and her husband, Richard, taught me what marriage can be; how to cultivate connection through shared passions, to respect each other’s individuality, to build a home that radiates beauty and peace, while also pursuing adventures together. Together, my parents taught me to never ever give up on the people we love. I’m grateful she taught me how to love so steadfastly.

She radiated love for my kids, showing them that they deserve unbounded love. I hope my children carry that understanding into the next generations, because that is the greatest gift she has given us all.

I feel her love in my bones. I always will.