seeking glimmers of joy through the fog
It’s been a tumultuous start to 2026. My mama died in December 2025. In January, I launched my Creative Ambassador project for the City of San José: “I Am/We Are: Our Stories Connect Us”. Also in January, we expanded PowerHouse, our co-working + event space + media production studio, by taking over the entire building, accepting a slew of new podcasting clients and opening 24/7 for our community of women+ creatives. Phew.
It’s been…a lot.
I started the year by facilitating a “Rooted and Rested” retreat for activists. While introducing myself, I burst into tears, telling the group about the very fresh grief I’m carrying. Turns out, social justice activists at this particular time in our history are also carrying a lot of grief. My skilled facilitation team, Reverend Dana Bainbridge and artist/educator Elba Martinez, offered a magical combination of artistic and spiritual practice. Although the attendees showed up demoralized and exhausted from being on the “front lines” of social justice, they also brought open hearts and a willingness to dive deep, crafting powerful poetry, reflecting on the sense memories that bring them joy. We processed our fear and rage. Many of us cried. Everyone added to a powerful collective art installation on the themes of letting go and moving forward. We let go of the “constraints of perfectionism”, “regrets”, “self doubt”, “the need to be good”… My vulnerability as a facilitator & human wasn’t a barrier that day as I’d feared it might be. I felt seen, heard and held and folks reported they did too.
Letting go. 2. Magical facilitation team: Elba Martinez and Reverend Dana Bainbridge. 3. “I Am” poetry fragments.
In February, I co-facilitated a workshop titled “I Am/We Are: Soundtrack of Self” where we combined poetry writing, performance and music. Participants showed up ready to dive and share their stories through spoken word poetry. Dulce Fernandez, DJ + Cultural Producer/Archivist, live DJ’d, playing songs each person had chosen as their soundtrack, tapping into their senses, nostalgia, pain and joy imbued within their poems. Their performances were magical and very, very brave.
“I Am/We Are: Soundtrack of Self” Creative Ambassador workshop photos by Dahlia Seid-Valencia
The very next morning, I left for a 3-day grief retreat. For once, I didn’t have to lead anything; I got to just be. I met in a small discussion group with folks whose parents had also recently died after years of dementia. I took a “Comfort through Collage” workshop that integrated the blessing: ““May the one who dwells in every place comfort you and bring you peace among all those who mourn.” I smashed furniture in a “Grief and Anger” workshop, all very cathartic.
I returned home from the retreat a bit more healed than when I’d gone in, even though I understand that I’m still in the “acute grief” phase. Even so, my work calls upon me to show up, to cultivate joy in others, to help our communities build resilience and to use storytelling as a tool for change.
“How will I keep moving forward?” I wonder. "How can I guide people toward vulnerability and authenticity when I am feeling so fragile myself?" Maybe by showing up just as we are, we can build a deeper sense of belonging based on authenticity and truth telling. I'm going to keep trying because I believe that creative expression is healing and that gathering in community is essential. We must keep reaching out to each other through the fog.
Tricia Speaks! offers a variety of keynote talks and workshops on mothering, creativity, mental health and women's empowerment. Connect with Tricia Speaks!
